(no subject)

Entry tags:

ig,
stephanie brown

(no subject)

I can feel the dawn coming, I can sense it in my bones and in my blood even without a clock or Barbara telling me- no, ordering me to come home. The island acts on instinct rather than words waking naturally or with the animals and falling into bed when tired. I cannot do that, I have to be better and push through. I am tired, I can feel it but I am also- hnnn, excited at what is waiting for me at home.

No, not what- who. Stephanie. I knew and I didn't know, it is hard to explain with words how I feel. She makes me feel like I am home. She makes me feel like I can be redeemed, like I can be normal. I don't know how to tell him or what to tell him. I don't think I will. World's Greatest Detective. He will figure it out and when he does he will speak to me with his body and I will know. For now, like the island, I have to act on instinct and it is telling me to go home... to Steph.

I creep through our home silently and move into the room, discarding my mask and closing the door behind me. My uniform is the only thing I take my time with to fold, it is precious but I know the rest of my clothes are littering the floor waiting for Alfred to come and tidy (but he won't, he's not here.). I reach behind me, feeling fresh bruises as I slip my belt off and suit. Pulling each layer down and off and placing them to one side until I am naked. I know she is awake, I can feel her eyes. I walk to her and flop bonelessly into our bed, lying face down on a pillow as I stretch my hand out, reaching for her tiredly.

"Nngggh," I manage to make a noise buried in the fabric before my hand reaches something warm and soft.

Home, Steph, Alive.

My favourite words.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She'd stayed at the party late, though it'd lost some of its luster after Cass had left for patrolling and she'd had her talk with Valkyrie. Still, better than pottering about at home with Bruce for hours, and she wasn't in the mood to go prowling for Damian. When she finally got home, she'd fretted about pjs for a bit there. Obviously, no pajamas is way too forward, even if Cass didn't wear pajamas and it wasn't like she hadn't seen Steph changing and whatever. But still, even if Cass had seen her at her absolute worse she wanted to look...nice. As if she were pretty enough, this might make sense as a real romantic thing and not just misinterpreted friendship or whatever else her subconscious was cooking up.

Whatever, that was a line of thought chock full of self-sabotage, so Steph just climbed into bed in a pair of bat boxer shorts and a tank top with a book to occupy her mind. She sat up reading in the light of the bedside lamp and tried to keep things simple.

Cass likes her. Really likes her. Because Stephanie Brown is absolutely a person who deserves to be liked that way, and if her pesky inner self doesn't believe that then it needs to just shut up and sit down. If Cass knows the worst parts of her and can still look at her let alone kiss her, then that says something. Stephanie can count on that and work on that whole self-worth thing later.

At the opening of the door, Steph looks up and puts her book away. Smiles at the sight of her and waggles her fingers in a greeting, then bites her lip as she watches Cass strip out of her suit. It is...like every other time she's seen Cass naked. Yet not.

Smiling self-consciously, she glances away then looks back at her as she flops onto the bed. Steph reaches to push the hair lightly out of Cass's face as Cass's hand rests on her thigh.

"Interrupted lots of island muggings? Stopped an island Arkham breakout?"

"Hnnn," Cass replied turning at the soft brush of fingertips across her hair. Cracking one eye open to stare at Steph, Cass turned her body towards Steph and slid her thumb across bare skin. Thigh. She'd misjudged, she'd been expecting waist not leg but still she wasn't going to move now-she was too comfortable. "No, no muggings. Quiet night. Always quiet here. It's not... natural. Only drunks and they were mostly... kissing. No fights."

Cass glanced up at Steph from beneath lowered eyelashes, stretching her body and extending her legs and toes until she was closer to the other girl. Legs brushing against Steph's as she stretched and rubbed the tight, ache in her shoulder and neck. Her body felt taut, still on edge as she tried to relax from constant alertness. "Did anything happen at the party?"

"Nope, just people dancing and drinking and celebrating civic achievements." Steph smiles at the poke of her toes, then nudges her and moves to sit up properly in the bed. "C'mon, shift up, I'll give you a shoulder rub."

She'd been thinking that they would have to talk about this whole thing. That it was going to be either swooning romantic or exceedingly awkward. But Cass is just perfectly herself, and it all feels...normal. Comfortable.

Cass felt the nudge, smiling as she shifted and rolled over leaning up onto her hands. Stretching Cass moved fluidly into a sitting position and pulled her knees to her chest, exposing her bare shoulders and back to Steph. Cass wasn't ashamed of the scars and bruises that covered her body. Each one was a lesson that she had learned from her father or from her failings, she wasn't ashamed but she knew they weren't beautiful. Not in the traditional sense. Not in the way that Dick would look at Barbara sometimes.

"It's so quiet here, do you think it's a trap?" Cass asked, leaning her chin on her knees as she turned her head to look at Steph. Cass looking at Steph the exact same way Dick would look at Barbara. "To make us... expect less not more. Like with those toys."

Settling her thighs on either side of Cass, Steph slides her hands up along the length of her back. The skin is warm under her hands, and she can feel the thin lines of old scars crisscrossing over her skin. Every mark is a trial she's gone through, an injury she's had to survive. They've made her strong, made her Cass. She's imperfect but so, so beautiful.

"Maybe." Drawing her thumbs over Cass's muscles, Stephanie leans forward to brush a kiss over an old scar gone pale. Then she pulls back enough to look at her, keeping her hands on her back like she doesn't want to stop touching her. "Lulling us into complacency? It's possible. But if whoever, whatever is doing this wanted us to suffer they'd send worse than toys. So I don't know."

Letting her hand drop beside her, her fingertips brushed the inside of Steph's leg before she slid her hand across warm, soft skin. Turning her head into her shoulder, Cass glanced behind at Steph letting her mouth relax at the thumbs pressed against tight muscles.

"Toyman? He could be behind the toys," Cass replied, inhaling softly and letting out a long breath as Steph's lips brushed against an old scar. Gunshot. Her father's lesson, trying to teach her not to flinch. "I don't know. It's too quiet here... I miss Gotham."

A little thrill goes through her at Cass's hand on her leg. It's been a long time since anyone's touched her with any casual intimacy. Tim had always been ...well, their make-out sessions had always been nice, but focused and brief. This was different.

"Maybe the toys, but not the carnival that appeared in a few hours. That had to be magic. I would've liked you to be here for that. It was fun." She presses another kiss to the nape of he neck then set to kneading Cass's shoulders in long strokes, trying to work out the knots. "I miss Gotham too. People are nice here but it's not the same."

Turning her head to stare at where her fingers met Steph's skin, Cass moved her fingertips slowly against her, trying to read Steph's reaction. Making a soft noise at the kiss to her neck, Cass tilted her head and began to relax as Steph pressed her hand and fingers against her back easing tight muscles. Rubbing a soft circle against Steph's leg, Cass let her eyes flutter shut before leaning into Steph's hands.

"We can make our own fun," Cass replied. Carnivals and funfairs tended to have different meanings when you lived in Gotham. "I miss Barbara. I like... having you here again."

Cass's hand is increasingly distracting, warm and just there in a very appealing sort of way. Steph squirms ever so slightly but tries not to do anything and just let Cass do what she wants. No pressure, no expectations. Because Steph had been there with guys who clearly had one thing in mind and the pressure they'd put on her to get it. She wants better for Cass than what she'd had. Wants to do things right.

"You're right. It will be amazing fun too," She smiles against her skin and rests her head against Cass's shoulder. "I miss her too," she says as she brings her hand up to rub along Cass's neck to sooth the tight muscles there too. It might be difficult here for Babs in the chair, but she could manage it. She's Oracle, she can manage pretty much anything. "I missed having you in Gotham, even if we talked while you were in Hong Kong. But you're here now. We can make up for lost time."

Cass listens to Steph with her body; listening to the way her lips smile against her shoulder, the way her body squirms at Cass' gentle touch, the way she feels warmth behind her. Sliding her thumb behind Steph's knee, Cass listened to the other girl before gently moving her hand up the outside of her thigh.

"Of course it will be fun, you will be there." Cass replied, letting out a soft moan as Steph worked her fingers and hands against her neck. Skin flushing Cass dropped her head forward and pressed warm cheeks against her knee. "I still can't believe... Hong Kong? He trusts me?"

The sound Cass had just made was possibly, scratch that, definitely the hottest sound Steph's ever heard. She could happily spend the rest of her life coaxing sounds like that out of Cass, and repeats the motion before using her fingertips to rub little circles along her hairline than down her spine.

"Of course he does." She brushes a kiss to her shoulder, and, it's just a little thing but, wow, Steph can't believe she's allowed to do this. "You're amazing. He knows that. He trusts you more than nearly anyone. I missed you in Gotham, but you had your own city. That's big league."

Cass pressed her lips together, another moan escaping her lips as Steph touched her. Feeling the tight knots in her shoulders dissolve and get replaced by a warm glow, Cass stretched and leaned into Steph's kiss which was quickly becoming one of her favourite things after alive.

Smiling Cass rolled her shoulders, stretching her toes slow and cat-like before she moved quickly, turning her whole body in one smooth, quick action to face Steph. Looking at her from beneath mussed hair, Cass placed her hands either side of Steph's hips before pressing a quick, fleeting kiss to her lips. A quiet, smile lingering there as she thought of one of her other favourite things and words- Tag.

"My own city..." Cass replied. "And you as Batgirl. He trusts us."

She blinks in surprise at the sudden movement because, whoa, unexpected boobs, but is quick enough to tilt her mouth up for the kiss. Then, smiling, she reaches to tangle a hand in Cass's hair and pull her down then kisses her, long and lingering.

"I guess he does." Then she thinks aback the conversation on the rooftop, to the meetings in the Batcave and Batman Incorporated. It was possible that he actually wanted to have her around, that he trusted her to do the job. She smiles a little bit. "Maybe he really does."

Cassandra smiled as she watched the way Steph tilted her mouth up, intentional and quick, to meet hers. She was quicker, quicker than she had been before and Cass could see how good she had become, how good Cass had always known she could become, just from that small action.

Leaning into Steph's body Cass let the kiss last a moment longer, hands curled against Steph's back before she pulled back, cheeks flushed with desire.

"..." Cass silence stretched for a moment as she pressed her lips together. Smiling, she looked up at Steph and nodded. "Of course he does. He sees what I see in you."

Brushing her lips against Steph's, Cass parted her lips softly and smiled her small secret smile.

Smiling slightly as she looks up at her, she reaches to smooth her thumb along Cass's cheekbone. All the places they're pressed together, feet, hips, Cass's hands on her back, are warm and comfortable. They fit together like they're meant to.

It's strange to be in a bed with someone, especially a naked someone, and not be fumbling toward sex. Unusual that this is something to be savored instead of something to rush through in hopes of getting it over with quickly. It makes for a nice change.

"You were the only one who believed in me." She tipped her mouth up to meet the kiss and slung an arm around her to hold her close. "What do you see in me?"

The way Steph looked up at her, thumb against her skin, didn't feel weird or wrong but felt good and just more. More of everything. It was hard to find the words to say what she meant but it was easy to show how she felt; the way her cheeks flushed, the way her heart beat quicker and the way she turned her body, leaning into Steph trying to be as close as she could get. That was the way she told Steph how she felt.

"Hope," Cass said, fingertips brushing against the hem of her shirt before she slid her hand up Steph's back. "Strength. I knew you would be good, now I know you will be great. You could be the best of us."

Cass's touch on her bare back wakes up her skin, nerves lighting up to steady touch they haven't experienced since she was small and sick enough to warrant one of her mother's backrubs. Steph resolves to wear backless shirts, wander around topless, whatever it takes to get Cass to touch her like this, more than just a means to an end.

Steph smiles against her shoulder and leans forward to wrap her arms around Cass to hold her close. Everywhere she touches, she's warm. "You're already the best of us."

Her skin felt different, her body marked in a different way to her own and Cass took her time letting her fingertips explore Steph's skin. Pressing beneath her shoulderblades, tracing down the spine and spending each moment learning the parts that made up Steph.

Touching her forehead to Steph's, Cass considered the statement for a moment before shaking her head.

"No, I'm not. I'm... I can't read or write. I'm not perfect," Cass said softly, letting Steph wrap her arms around her and letting her hold her close. There was hardly a centimetre now between them but it had always felt like that to Cass, they might have been seperated but she had always felt close to Steph.

Steph lets out a tiny sound of pleasure and rolls her shoulders to encourage her to keep going. "More like that, please."

"Yeah, and I can't speak Portugese like Bruce or do computer voodoo magic like Babs or Tim." She pulls back to look at Cass and push a lock of hair out of her eyes. "You don't have to be perfect. You're a really, really good person."

Cass takes all the bad things that's happened to her, this horrendous childhood, and turns it into something beautiful. Everyone else would become bitter and twisted, he'll, most people would skip cynical and land straight into supervillain territory. Not Cass though. Never her.

Steph didn't normally make small, quiet noises but the small noise, of pleasure-happiness?, she let escape her lips was one of the most strange and exciting noises Cass had ever heard her make. Her body asking for more even as her lips let out the plea and Cass wanted to oblige her, help her make those small noises again that sent little sparks through her.

Watching her as she dipped her fingertips into the hollow of her back, Cass pressed her thumb against the bottom of Steph's spine before spreading her hands out across her back. Fingers curled around her side, Cass traced her hands up along her spine learning each little reaction that she would make.

Shaking her head at Steph's insistence that she was a good person, Cass leaned forward and kissed Steph, silencing her mouth with her own. She had changed, she had taken the chance that Barbara had given her and changed but she would always be one thing, the same one thing that haunted her some nights but not tonight.

Letting out a soft ragged breath, she let her lips rest against Steph's before murmuring a quiet. "You think that though? That I'm good?"

Her eyes fall shut and she hums in contentment as Cass explores the planes of her back. Arching up into it almost unconsciously. Her back is just, well, her back, the utilitarian bit of her that she can't quite reach in the shower. But Cass is touching her like it matters, like she's worth taking your time with.

Steph kisses her once, briefly and then again before squeezing her tightly. "I know you are. I've seen you. You're so, so good."

Letting her fingertips roam Steph's arching back, Cass slid her palms flat up against her back enjoying the difference in sensation. It felt different to her fingertips, harder but softer and warmer too. The way she hums is different to the moans, almost as good in some ways better but mostly just... different. Like how her kisses feel different, make her feel different each time Steph kisses her.

"Maybe. I know I can change but I still feel... it's hard to put in words." Cass said shifting her body weight, pressing her knees into the bed before leaning into Steph, Cass sighed enjoying the moment in between seperation and together. That brief, short moment where anticipation was almost as good as the end result. Holding Steph close, Cass turned her head brushing her lips against cheek and neck before she buried her head against the gentle slope of her neck.

"You don't have to feel good to be good." Stephanie brushes a kisses against her hair then her temple. Then she leans back, tugging Cass along with her so that she's lying on her back against the bed and Cass is sprawled on top of her. It's not very dignified but Steph wraps her arms around her, and it feels good, it feels right. "Otherwise narcissists would be saints and those of us with self-image problems would be super-villains. What matters is what you do, and you help people, Cass. You do it for the right reasons too."

Then Steph smiles and looks away, and all that self-consciousness and doubt comes rushing back in. "That's what I think, anyway."

Like she has any room to talk to about what makes someone a good person. But it's Cass, Cassandra Cain, who cares about people more than anyone. If anyone's good, it's her.

She feels her body shift, weight changing direction and Cass moves with her, letting her hands move around to her waist and fingertips grazing the flat, smooth surface of Steph's stomach. It wasn't the most elegant of positions but it felt right; their bodies pressed tightly together sending little shivers down her back, the way they were so close Cass could feel Steph's heart beating and the way they their bodies moved together almost in sync. It was beautiful.

Cass brushed her lips against Steph's neck, feeling the pulse beneath her lips as she listened to what Steph said. Hope, Belief, Strength. Just a few of the things that made Steph more than just one of them, it made her one of the best she wished she could tell her that in words but she couldn't, so she would just have to show her and hope in time Steph would understand what Batgirl had been trying to say to her since the start of their friendship.

"You do too, you know that? You're good," Cass said murmuring softly, her lips moving against Steph's neck as she talked.

Any other time, they would be reaching maximum sexiness right about now. Cass's breasts are pressed against hers, and she's got a leg between her thighs. They're breathing together. But it's more than that right now. Cass's touch to her stomach is exploring instead of intentioned, and also just a little bit ticklish. It's nice. The whole thing is just...more than Steph could have hoped for, ever.

Maybe if they just stay up all night, this won't all go away in the morning.

"I try really hard to be good," she admits. Her hand comes up to smooth through Cass's hair. "I have a lot to make up for, you know?"

The hand in her hair is soothing, keeping Cass grounded and safe as she whispers a soft. "Me too."

Sighing, she pressed her face against Steph's neck and holding her that bit closer at the admission. She couldn't change her past as much as she wished she could, she couldn't go back and change what had happened but she could change what happened now. She could be more than what her father wanted her to be, she could be something-someone that Steph and Bruce and Barbara could be proud of. Someone they wouldn't be ashamed of.

"It's easier when there's two."

She keeps a hand stroking over Cass's hair and her mind goes back there. One stupid mistake and she'd gotten hundreds of people killed. Gotham had almost fallen apart and it had been her fault. It made sense that Black Mask had caught her, it was like she'd earned it-

No. No.

That's not the path she's going down. She's not going to think those thoughts and feel this way forever when she'd been a dumb kid who'd made a dumb mistake. She's got to live what it. That's hard enough.

"Sometimes I think I could be good for the rest of my life, save the world, and it won't make up for what happened. And it's hard. All because I wanted to prove myself to him."

All because Steph had wanted to prove to Batman she could be like him. All because Cassandra wanted her father to love her and to touch her with soft hands on her shoulder and look at her with that look he did when he was proud of her. Steph had made a mistake, Cass had deliberately acted and taken a life. It was something she couldn't take back, something she couldn't change about her past but something she could change about now.

Bruce called her gentle. He didn't mean she was weak, he meant that she was kind to the people they fought because of what she could do. How easy it could be for her.

"We can, we have to believe we can. It won't ever change our past, we can change our now make it better for other people." Cassandra said, pressing her lips together against Steph's skin. It was one of the longest things Cassandra had ever spoken about meaning of course it was that important to her.

Steph tilts Cass's head up, leans forward to press a kiss against her mouth. Speaking, for once, without words.

Whatever they'd do, atonement or redemption or just helping people so that girls don't have to grow up like they did, they'd do it. Together. And they're Batgirls. Together, they're basically unstoppable.

But she's Stephanie Brown, and there's only so long she can go without talking. So she murmurs against her lips. "Cass...I'm really glad you're here."

Turning her lead, lifting it up at the light pressure of Steph's fingers. Looking at Steph, Cass watched her quietly for a moment before she leaned into the kiss and returned it, soft and smooth and sweet, tracing the tip of her tongue against her mouth. She liked kissing Steph, it was different to kissing Kon. It meant something different.

"I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're alive," Cass replied, holding Steph close.

Smiling, she opens her mouth into the kiss, fingers curled into Cass's hair to hold her close. It's easy and simple and perfect.

"I'm glad too. Plan to be for a good long while."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only