kinesicist: (Default)
Mailbox for Cassandra Cain/Batgirl.
kinesicist: ([PBG]Tired)
I feel it, in my bones and in my blood. I look at my hands- new hands- the same hands that I have always had. My father's hands. And I look at the same scars curling and criss crossing across my palm and wrist and up my arms, stockier arms and heavily muscled. The same scars on my chest, the same hair on my flat chest. Something feels different though, I can feel it not just in the way I react but the way Stephanie stirs beside me like something is different.

I scowl, letting out a soft hn noise before sliding back down into the covers and wrap my arms around her. I press my nose against her neck, rubbing my half day stubble against her chin. I'm messy, shaving is the one thing that Alfred insisted I always do. A gentleman Master Cassander, Alfred would say, always shaved. And I do, shave, but it still took Alfred two stitches to realise not to come near me with a blade to the throat, Babs had learnt that one quicker than him. I miss them, maybe that was what this was. Longing.

"Hnnn," I mutter, listening to my deep voice as I brush my lips against Steph's neck. Home. Happiness. Love. Stephanie. Alive. My favourite words. "Steph."

I say it the same way I always do, stretch my hands up against her ribs like I normally do in a gentle teasing tickle. "Steph wake up something is... up."

I hate leaving her that pun, at least she won't comment on it. Hn, I hope she doesn't.
kinesicist: ([PB]Pretty)
I inhale, ignoring the itch against my nose and shift slightly in my sleep. Arms stretching up, I shift the warm weight against my arm and adjust my hand to slide up smooth warm skin. I exhale, blowing on the blonde hair tickling my nose. Steph. Steph here? Cracking my eye open a little, I yawn and tug my girlfriend closer to me. Fingertips stretching, brushing over ribs and breasts until placed across her chest.

There. Her heartbeat, steady and warm and perfect beneath my hands. Alive. Alive and here.

"Steph?" I ask, voice rough from the night and the fighting and dry from sleep. She hadn't been here when I went to sleep, she was here now though and that was all that mattered. Making a soft hn noise, I wriggle beneath the blankets a little. Hand moving to touch Steph's chin, tilting it up softly before I kiss her softly and gently. "Wake up sleeping beauty."
kinesicist: ([Cass]Surprise)
I understand who we are and the dangers we face more than most. My father he taught me to be strong, to survive and he loved me, the others don't understand that but I do. I understand what he gave me even if I hate him for it. I understand what Shiva gave me, what my mother gave me, even if I do not talk about it. My father taught me how to survive and Shiva taught me how to live. A gift from both, a gift from them that I would not wish on others and a gift I would not give to others. But I can give them other things, I can teach them. I can help them. I can make them believe.

Belief, hope... these are not things Bruce taught me or even Barbara. Steph taught me that, she gave me that gift. She taught me that in Gotham, she taught me that here and now she teaches me still how to believe and hope and love and feel. Alive. Nineteen and alive. Not dead. That is the greatest hope I have ever known, I believe in Batman but I believe in Stephanie Brown more. I told her that it was a private present. I meant that but possibly not in the way Steph thought.

She'd thought about it. She'd thought long and hard about it. And she knew what she had to do.

"It's at home, it's... private. You don't mind waiting?" Cass asked, her voice curious as she looked at Steph and curled her fingertips around her hand drawing her in closer.
kinesicist: ([Cass]Daddy)
Trees, sunlight, warmth. Her eyes squint in the harsh light, unfocussed and distracted as she hides in the shadows. Her fingertips pressed against the trunk of the tree, fingernails digging in and leaning forward into the light. She winces, drawing in silent breath as she moves cautiously into the light.

The sound of waves draw her attention, the crashing sending her skittering back into the treeline where she hides, peeking behind the tree. She leans forward, hiding again at the noise before she takes a few tentative steps forwards. There is sand beneath her feet, sliding between her toes and making her tired, weary eyes drift downwards. Bending she presses her hands into the sand, drawing the sand upwards before letting it go.

Her eyes narrow, turning as she watches the sand drift down the beach with the wind. Moving quietly with bare, muddy feet she walked towards the water. Her eyes dart, watching her exits as she moves away from the treeline. She does not understand this place. She does not understand anything, she wants him. She wants warm hand on her shoulder, jaw like hers jutting outwards and the twitch of a smile. She wants her father. She cannot find him, she cannot rest until she does.

It is the sound of feet that draws her attention, eyes widening before she moves quicker than normal across the beach and into the safety of the trees. She could not allow herself to be caught.
kinesicist: ([Cass]Daddy)
These are the moments I look forward to when I return each night, when I can see her. The way her body wraps around mine, the way her lips curve beneath mine into a smile and I know that she loves me, I know that because she tells me it with words and lips and sounds. I love them, words, when she says them. I love the way she makes me understand, I love her.

These are the moments I look forward to the most when I see her for the first ti-


Her fingertips faltered on the door handle. Warmth, wood, sound. The door eased open, the sound startling her as she watched the way it moved. Unfamiliar, not home. Her head turned confused, alert as she took in her surroundings. The ache in her body familiar but the feel beneath her fingertips was not. This was her but not her.

Her gaze turned at the flash of blonde, colour, bright and unfamiliar and she stared at the girl. Woman. Older than her. Like her? No, not like her. Her mouth was moving, sound. She didn't understand. Where was he? Her feet moved instinctively back, her eyes staring blankly at the girl as she looked for him. He was not here, no strong hand on her shoulder. No stern jaw to guide her actions. He was not here.

She had to find him. Strong, stern, loving. Was this a test? She would move, she would pass it. She discarded the mask, letting it drop carelessly to the ground. Cassandra would have picked it up, she would have cared but her name wasn't Cass. She didn't have a name. She was nobody. She was just His Weapon.
kinesicist: (Default)
Batgirl (Fighting)
1. Iron by Woodkid
I am...
A soldier on my own, I don't know the way
I'm riding up the heights of shame
I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest
I'm ready for the fight, and fate


2. Titanium by David Guetta feat. Sia
You shoot me down, but I get up
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium


3. Immigrant Song by Trent Reznor and Karen O
So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing


4. Deranged by Coheed & Cambria
Who will be your pretty, little enemy?
When I'm gone your world will prove empty.
I promise you will always remember me.
The joke's on you, poison me.
While you clean the streets of misfortune,
I pick the innocent from my dirty teeth.
We're one and the same...deranged.


Cassandra
1. Shake it Out by Florence + the machine
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind


2. My Skin by Natalie Merchant
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable


3. Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I will be safe and sound.


4. Home by Gabrielle Aplin
So when I’m ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I’ll bury my future behind
I’ll always keep you with me
You’ll be always on my mind
But there’s a shining in the shadows
I’ll never know unless I try


5. Sweet Dreams performed by Emily Browning
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybodys looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

[AU]Tanith

May. 19th, 2012 08:21 pm
kinesicist: ([Cass]Naked)
I move quietly, tiredly, through my room. Fingertips brushing across my face, through my hair before I pad into the living area. The yawn is on my lips, my body stretching as I reach up and extend my body shifting the muscles and stretching them. My body aches but I ignore it as I focus on my destination, already ignoring the other occupant of the room, my roommate, Tanith.

Hn.

Opening the clay cooler, I remove the juice pouring myself a glass as I shift my weight and roll my shoulders easing the tension from the knots in my muscles before I turn. My gaze snaps up, looking directly at Tanith before I raise an eyebrow in silent greeting at her. I can't help the confusion on my face, I never see her at this hour. She is always home later, I am always out then. Our lives are constantly drifting in opposite directions, I wasn't expecting this or her.

I don't cover up.

I pour another glass, wandering across the room before standing before Tanith offering her a glass.

"You're home." Simple. Direct. Just like always.

[AU]

Apr. 25th, 2012 06:30 pm
kinesicist: ([Cass]Smirk)
I arrive in the dark, watching in the shadows of the caves as Bruce works with him. There is something there, talent which I have noticed before but it is sloppy, unfocused, untrained. I watch quietly, waiting until Bruce turns his head staring straight at me and indicating with two fingers. A silent gesture to come. I have earned his trust, it has come with a price and it seems tonight that price is educating the new Robin. But I knew him as Spoiler.

My... friend? I suppose. We have worked together... before. I prefer to work alone. Hn, he looks different without the mask but it is him. The same body, the same movement and the same voice; hnn, he is loud. I move silently behind him, mirroring his steps as he trains before scuffing my feet making my presence known and smiling, ducking beneath his arm before I handstand backwards landing light and agile with a toss of my head.

He is getting better. Still not as fast as me.

I lift my hand in greeting, glancing at Bruce for orders but I know what he wants even before he asks. It is written on his face, on his body.

"Train Robin, I have to patrol." It is an order, not for me, but for Robin, Steven Brown. He is mine to train tonight. I smile grimly at him, my gaze intense as I examine him before nodding.

I will enjoy training him. Making him puke again.
kinesicist: ([PB]Thinking)
The crowd has spilled out onto the beach, the party extending beyond its borders and for a moment I am drawn to them. I know they have made their own choice but I cannot help wanting to help them, to take them all home and let them sleep it off until the danger is passed. I cannot change them, I cannot change their minds and it might reveal who I am. I do not have my uniform with me, I am Cass now and I am with Steph. And she is... bold.

I watch her for a moment, the ticking of the clock stretching between us as I allow her to lead us away from the party. I wait until we are further along the beach, out of sight of the few stragglers and revellers before I turn to face her. Sliding my hand through her hair, I draw her close for a kiss, lips parted as I exhale shakily. Even now she is beautiful, maybe especially now but still I won't go easy on her. I never do.

I allow the shoes to slip off, abandoning them in the sand as I turn my head brushing a kiss against her cheek and then her earlobe before I murmur into her ear.

"Tag," I say with a smile before I move, sprinting across the beach putting some distance between us. I said, I would let her chase me but I never said I would let her catch me.
kinesicist: ([Batgirl]Beauty)
I slip through the doors of the building, moving through the shadows and down the stairs before waiting for Steph. I can't be seen with her, I can't let them know I was here watching them or protecting them. Pressing into a dark recess, I hold my breath waiting and watching as someone passes by me. Ducking behind them, I move in perfect sync with them lurking in the shadows behind them.

Brushing golden hair out of the way with a gloved finger, I lean in close and whisper a dark and grim 'Boo'.

I smile. I could watch her all night in that suit, it is very distracting.
kinesicist: ([Batgirl]Unmasked)
I can feel the dawn coming, I can sense it in my bones and in my blood even without a clock or Barbara telling me- no, ordering me to come home. The island acts on instinct rather than words waking naturally or with the animals and falling into bed when tired. I cannot do that, I have to be better and push through. I am tired, I can feel it but I am also- hnnn, excited at what is waiting for me at home.

No, not what- who. Stephanie. I knew and I didn't know, it is hard to explain with words how I feel. She makes me feel like I am home. She makes me feel like I can be redeemed, like I can be normal. I don't know how to tell him or what to tell him. I don't think I will. World's Greatest Detective. He will figure it out and when he does he will speak to me with his body and I will know. For now, like the island, I have to act on instinct and it is telling me to go home... to Steph.

I creep through our home silently and move into the room, discarding my mask and closing the door behind me. My uniform is the only thing I take my time with to fold, it is precious but I know the rest of my clothes are littering the floor waiting for Alfred to come and tidy (but he won't, he's not here.). I reach behind me, feeling fresh bruises as I slip my belt off and suit. Pulling each layer down and off and placing them to one side until I am naked. I know she is awake, I can feel her eyes. I walk to her and flop bonelessly into our bed, lying face down on a pillow as I stretch my hand out, reaching for her tiredly.

"Nngggh," I manage to make a noise buried in the fabric before my hand reaches something warm and soft.

Home, Steph, Alive.

My favourite words.
kinesicist: ([PB]Training)
For years all I wanted was for my father to place his hands on my shoulder, to feel his rough worn hands go soft and gentle in quiet, silent praise. Now, I didn't want his respect or praise and I certainly didn't need it. He was my father, I had loved him but he had turned me into something I hated; a killer, an assassin. I still think about his face sometimes; the way he was so scared, the way his life left his eyes, the way I had looked to my father and the pride I found there and the revulsion I felt. My father had turned me into a killer but it was Batman who saved me.

Bruce... he was hard, he was demanding. He never asked but I always knew what he wanted, I could always find it in me even if I thought it wasn't there. Even when I thought for a moment he had abandoned me and left me to die, I knew that he was testing me and I knew he trusted me to survive. Bruce didn't just save me, he made me save myself. In his eyes, in Barbara's too, I could be redeemed. I could be saved, made worthy again. I... liked that, I loved that.

But the island, the island is a challenge. It's not Gotham and while there are dinosaurs beyond the fence, there are no gangs or crimelords or escaped Arkham patients or... well, crime. I almost wish Penguin was here up to his old tricks as Barbara would say, influencing those around him into a life of crime. Almost. It's hard to train, to continue to train and patrol when I know each night will be a slow night. But I do because that is what he would do, that is what he would want me to do. I won't disappoint him.

Like now. I know he's there watching me, I know he's been watching me for a while now whilst I move across the ground quick and agile, hitting each target precisely with a a destructive force. I do not need to see him to know he's there. I do not need to hear him to know he's there either. He's waiting but he won't stop me. Would he ever stop me? Hnnn, I'm overthinking.

I let my mind empty, aware of his gaze as I move to the punching bag. Each punch, each hit, each kick is quicker than most meta's but I know I could hit harder and faster than this. I could but I don't, I won't... if I was as good as I could be then I could kill someone and I'm not that person anymore. I won't kill. I want to make him proud, not my father.

I only stop when my fist punches through the bag and the sand spills out onto the floor. I hadn't felt it weaken. A mistake.

"Sorry. I'll be better." I direct it at him, turning to face where I know he will be.

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Cassandra Cain

July 2013

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